On August 21st, at the Palace of Fine Arts in San Francisco, the most wonderful man asked me to marry him. Of course I said “yes!”. : )
I could write for a VERY long time about Josh… there are so many things I love, appreciate, and respect about him… but as I was sitting in church this past Sunday morning the eretheal world of love had taken a back seat, in my mind, to the very tangible realm of WEDDING PLANNING.
I’m convinced planning the “most important day of your life” is a test of character — one I haven’t always been passing. But I want to be.
Sitting in my church chair, coffee in hand, staring at the actual HONEY BUCKET up on the stage (a demonstration of how replusive God finds our sin), my mind couldn’t let go of the selfishness that so easily gets tangled into the ribbons and bells of planning a wedding. The simple phrase my perfect day says so much, doesn’t it? It just oozes with an “it’s all about ME” mindset. And, when coupled with a longing for a “perfect” day, the infamous Bridezilla emerges.
…Isn’t it ironic that while preparing for the time when we are, supposedly, to look the most beautiful in our lives that the preparation period actually can bring out the very ugliest parts of ourselves?
Entitlement, greed, vanity, pride, selfishness, competitive spirit, envy. How easily I can shift from the beautiful bride to the putrid port-a-potty!!
According to Reuters, in 2012 couples in America spent an average of $27,000 on their wedding — not including the honeymoon. In New York the average climbs to more than $60,000. That’s more than I paid for my brand-new CAR! …People are literally taking out loans to help cover the cost of extravagant celebrations and memorable nupitals. With the divorce rate hovering around 50 percent, it’s a sad reality that some people continue to pay off their weddings after their marriage has dissolved. What is happening?!
I think wedding planning, with its “me” focus, is an incubator for self-centeredness and vanity: “I deserve this… I want to look like that…”
Whether it’s a well-meaning friend asking “well what do you want?” or an advertisement daring me to splurge because “you’re worth it”, it seems that wedding culture continues to bring us back to ourselves. I think that’s exactly the problem: us. There is too much “me” in wedding world – it is poisoning our spirits and eventually unleashing the bridezilla that lurks in the depths of each of us!
So what’s the solution… how do we kill the beast?
Not with bobby pins, safety pins, bleach pens, or wire-edged ribbon. With God. He’s the creator of love and sustainer of life. Only he can kill the selfish bridezilla beast and heal the wounds its inflicted. Thank goodness he loves us and delights in restoring us! More so, when we allow him to clean up our minds and hearts, he brings a radiance that no make-up artist or designer gown can imitate.
Sitting in that chair… staring at that port-a-potty on the stage… I thought about how easily I’ve slipped into putting God on the backburner while I dip into wedding world for awhile.
I skip reading my Bible in order to spend extra time comparing font styles on invitations. I dream about wedding ideas but fall asleep while praying — oh how that betrays what has really captured my mind!! But God is good and full of mercy. I felt like he was whispering to my heart… to return to him and trust that the pieces will all come together in the right time. After all, it is God who breathes life and beauty into us, who mends our relationships, replaces anxiety with peace, and teaches us how to love sacrifically.
We become like those we spend the most time with… is God someone you are spending time with? I want to be.
I would absolutely LOVE to be a beautiful bride, but I also want to be a kind, generous, grateful and content one… not a selfish, greedy, jealous and proud one. Only God can do the kind of work on my mind and heart to make that a possibility:
“Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen.” (Ephesians 3:20-21)